Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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