yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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