He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
