look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
