Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize