Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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