I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
