i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
