Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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