ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
