A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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