I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
