I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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