I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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