U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The Olympian is in my bed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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