I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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