Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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