smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
