just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
