well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize