MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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