Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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