i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
