You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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