I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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