Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
