I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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