so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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