Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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