I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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