I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
