I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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