Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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