I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize