textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize