She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
