If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
