I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
