She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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