just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
A+ Viking dick
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
