you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
