At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
