we have pet lesbian snakes
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she told me i tasted like america
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
