Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't deserve a penis
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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