i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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