Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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