WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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