They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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