It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
