Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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