I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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