Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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