I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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