i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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