We're like a lot better than the average bears
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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