Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
