Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
