Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
