i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize