Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
this just has baby written all over it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
