My sheets look like a crime scene.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
