We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
