I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
