i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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